1. That time Elnathan John used Daddy Bubu to do shade:

Buhari.
He disappears. https://t.co/gvSq1Q244B

— Elnathan John (@elnathan_john) May 1, 2017

2. Uncle Sola used his spiritual trailer to hit this one:

3. But really, is it retweets Daddy Dakolo will chop?

4. Whadyu mean? Eez Burna we’re talking about, hello!

5. Reekado Banks did not even want to chill at all.

6. Just because there’s Gold in his name no mean say e papa na king na.

7. That time Asa yabbed GTBank and we were all happy.

1. “Sorry” “Sorry for yourself”

In our defense, adults are also guilty of this, but regardless of which age you are, it didn’t and still doesn’t make any sense.

2. “Are you mad?” “I’m not mad but I’m your master”

What did that even mean?

3. “Merry Christmas” “Shame to you”

This probably started as a way of making fun of people who couldn’t pronounce “s” properly. But, really people? No, shame on YOU. Shame. SHAME.

4. “Shut up” “Shut down” OR “Shut up” “Your mouth”

Sometimes they can even add, “Shut in”, “Shut out”, “Shut left” or “shut right”. But why stop there, we could have also added “Shut Highway” or “Shut Campus”. Oh… wait, it’s our ineffective education system that does that one.

5. “Cry cry baby, you want to see your mummy, shame”

Really? Shame? Really? First of all, what if I’m not crying because I want to see my mummy? Second, even if I’m crying to see my mummy, why is that shameful? Why is it shame if I want to see my mummy? I’m pretty sure this was started by all those wicked aunties in kindergarten that carry your food from your lunch box and eat it.

6. “What?” “Water and garri make eba that you’ll eat on your wedding day”

Seriously? Like, seriously? How did wedding day enter now?

7. “Why?” “Because Y has two branches and a long tail”

Oh, you don’t mean it! I didn’t know it! I would scream, “But whyyyy???” But I guess we already know the answer to that.

*Sigh* I’m not saying we were stupid when we were younger, but sometimes, the things we used to say and do was just one kind. This post is proof:

1. You will have a more experienced friend there presiding over the whole thing.

“Don’t be afraid. I am here.”

2. You will cough…..A LOT.

It’ll feel like you’re about to cough up a lung.

3. You will expect it to take effect immediately but it won’t and you will be pissed.

They’ve scammed me sha.

4. You’ll remember how your friends hyped their first time so you’ll keep smoking.

I MUST be high.

5. Bits of weed will get stuck to your tongue.

How is this happening??

6. You will almost smoke the wrong end of the blunt by mistake and your experienced friend will be like

“This nigga almost burned his lips! Lmao!”

7. You’ll hold the smoke in your lungs way longer than you should.

You don’t even know why. No one knows why.

8. You will try to do those cool tricks people do when blowing out smoke.

And you will fail.

9. All of a sudden, everything will be become super funny.

This is when you realize it has started taking effect.

10. If you’re normally a paranoid person, your paranoia will kick into overdrive.

WHERE AM I?! WHAT IS THIS?!

11. Then everything will go into slow motion.

WHHHHAAAATTT IIISSS THHHIIIISSS?!

12. You will get SUPER hungry and proceed to eat everything in sight. This is called “Having the Munchies.”

BRING ALL THE EBA! NOW!

13. Then you will pass out.

It will feel like the world’s most peaceful coma.

14. Then you’ll wake up in a couple of hours and you’ll be sober but also hungry AF!

It will feel like termites are eating your stomach from the inside.

15. This will be you if you don’t have food around when this happens.

GOD WHY?!!!!

If you enjoyed this, read this next article that chronicles the frustrations you feel if you’re a Nigerian that doesn’t drink Alcohol.

8 Things You’ll Be Able To Relate To If You Don’t Drink Alcohol

Celebrities. Sometimes you look at them and it seems like they’re heavenly beings but that’s not true. They’e just like us. They mess up and embarrass themselves just like everybody else. To prove this, here is a list of 5 times Nigerian celebrities messed up on social media.

1. That time Oge Okoye stole dogs from Instagram and did naming ceremony for them.

We all remember this. Oge Okoye stole a picture of American reality show star, Kenya Moore’s dogs and claimed them as hers. She even gave them different names! A Kenya Moore fan page on Instagram discovered Oge Okoye’s lie and exposed her to the world (i.e Nigeria) and in the process, referred to her as “some lady in Africa”. Nigerians went on social media and mercilessly dragged Oge Okoye by her weave and even started the #OgeOkoyeChallenge where people posted pictures of stuff that was obviously not theirs and then claimed to own it. One question remains on the minds of Nigerians tho, Just how many times has Oge Okoye done stuff like this in the past?

2. That time Tuface lied about collaborating with R.Kelly

The year was 2009. Tuface Idibia had just released the “Unstoppable” album. Tuface announced that he had a song coming out that he had done with American R&B superstar, R.Kelly and Nigeria collectively freaked out. We couldn’t wait for the song to drop. When it finally did, people were disappointed  because something about the song was off. The beat used in the song had already been used in an old R.Kelly song and this made people question its authenticity. A few months after this, R.Kelly came to Nigeria for the ThisDay music festival and inside sources revealed that R.Kelly claimed to have never heard of Tuface before and laughed at the song they had supposedly recorded together. The inside sources also revealed that R.Kelly said to have made that beat a long time ago and Tuface probably found it somewhere on the internet. Tuface’s manager insisted that the song was legit and that R.Kelly recorded his part and sent it in. A classic case of lying to cover up more lies. Tuface and R.Kelly (with a bunch of other African artists) eventually recorded a song together named “Hands Across The World” so I guess you could say this was a case of Tuface predicting the future. LOL

3. That time Skiibii faked his death as a publicity stunt

There is a high chance that you don’t know who Skiibii is. Let us tell you why. Skiibii (whose name sounds like an STD) is a Five Star Music music artiste that debuted in 2015 and in an attempt to quickly raise his popularity levels, decided it would be a good idea to fake his death and eventual resurrection in what eventually became known as the worst publicity stunt in Nigerian entertainment history. Five Star Music lied about him dying (releasing the picture above), lied about him ‘defeating death’ and then when Nigerians figured out that the whole thing was a hoax, they released obviously staged hospital pictures. Nigerians can’t be deceived tho so they dragged Skiibii and the entire record label on social media. The funny thing about this is that after the whole thing,  Skiibii still did not blow. LOL!

4. That time Lizzy Anjorin destroyed us with her English

It was supposed to be a cute video of her playing with her dogs. Things went wrong when one dog (named ‘Pretty’) got pissed at the other dog (named ‘Terror’) for some reason and began to attack him. Lizzy decided to step in and separate the fight and in the process screamed, “Pretty stop it! Stop JEALOUS!” when she should’ve said, “Stop being jealous”. Nigerians had a field day with this one on social media.

5. That time Denrele fell off the stage while dancing

In 2015, the manic TV presenter that we know and love, Denrele Edun, was dancing violently on stage at an event in Port Harcourt when he tripped on his trademark insanely long braids and fell off the stage. It was freaking hilarious. It was funny until we found out that the accident resulted in him breaking his neck. That made it funnier. I swear we are not terrible people.

If you enjoyed this, read this next article to see really old pictures of some Nigerian celebrities.

10 “Back In The Day” Pictures Of Some Of Our Favourite Nigerian Celebrities

1. This dress, made by Nigerian haute couture fashion designer, Deola Sagoe, has cause plenty kasala on Nigerian Twitter.

2. The dress, which was worn by Fatima Kyari, the daughter of Sen. Abubakar Kyari, apparently costs anything from N500,000 to N1.5million.

3. And naturally, the price has gotten everyone doing like this:

And the Twitter reactions are even more hilarious!

4. This one just took the whole thing p:

5. Sleep simply eluded this one:

6. Ah! Jesus’ tears?

7. Oshey, wash and dry cloth:

8. Even Mother Mary?

9. You go fear chameleon iro and buba:

10. Yes, the armor of God will protect you:

11. Ah! Prophet Elijah?

12. The cloth go come with groom too?

13. Ladder! Ladder! Ladder! Ladder o! Our Lord Jesus is a ladder!

14. Bride ke?

15. You peepu!

16. Oshey, laundromat.

17. This one dey find whistle:

18. Oshey! Bulletproof iro and buba.

19. Revirgin waaaat?!!!

20. Not only powers and principalities, what of wickedness in high places?

21. And of course Odunlade had to make an appearance:

1. The Food is INSANE!

FAM! I AM DROOLING!!!

2. The Dancing is LIT!

Konko Below!

Look at how much fun they’re having!

3. The Outfits are to DIE FOR!

So stylish!

4. The MCs are HILARIOUS!

Their job is to make sure your wedding is on point and they NEVER fail.

5. The Bridesmaids and Groomsmen are always dressed to SLAY!

6. Sometimes when there are white people there, you get to laugh at them as they try to mimic our cultural dances.

Work it Ladies!

It’s cute to watch them try. LOL

If you enjoyed this, read this next article that teaches you how to throw a proper Nigerian wedding.

The Complete Guide To Throwing a Nigerian Wedding

1. People will call you “Yellow Pawpaw” and expect you to smile because they think it’s cute.

Some will call you “Oyinbo”.  This is more annoying.

2. When you’re under the sun for too long, you will get stressed and turn red.

And end up looking like an angry tomato.

3. If you get slapped across the face, the person’s fingerprints will remain on your face.

Like those memory foam mattresses.

4. You will NEVER be able to blend in anywhere.

You will stick out like a sore thumb. A yellow sore thumb.

5. Which is why you should never join bad gang. When you all do bad stuff and try to escape, you are the only one the authorities will remember.

And you will take the fall.

6. If you’re terrible with faces, people will easily remember you and you won’t remember them.

You will try and explain yourself but they will just believe that your proud.

7. If you’re a guy, girls will just assume that you’re a player.

“Babe! Gimme a chance na!”

8. If you’re a girl, every guy will assume you have a bad attitude.

“YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME!”

9. People will meet you and automatically assume you’re Igbo because all Igbo people are light skinned apparently.

This one isn’t annoying. It just makes no damn sense. Like, why? Why is this even a thing?

10. Idiots will make jokes about how you shouldn’t have kids with another light skinned person because then all your kids will end up being as bright as the sun.

Don’t be deceived by that image above. That was a terrible joke but you will laugh whenever you hear it because you don’t want to be rude. Being a good person is hard.

If you enjoyed this article about Light skin wahala, read this next article about the struggles of a Nigerian fat person.

13 Times Fat People Have Felt Like Strangling Your Bony Asses To Death

1. The Queue Prefect

This one likes to watch the line and make sure nobody is cutting the queue or trying to take another person’s space. They will fight you if you argue with them. Just jejely obey and stand where they tell you to.

2. The “I was here before” people

They’re always saying “I was here before”, even though nobody really remembers them being there before.

3. The “please can I enter?” people

These ones don’t want to spend too long on the queue, so they’ll be begging everybody on the line to give them space.

4. The Lord of the Cards

These ones are Baba card holders. Master of the cards. They will come with five ATM cards and will nearly finish all the money from the machine by the time they finish withdrawing.

5. The “I’m at your back” people

They are always at your back. They will go and find somewhere to sit and leave you there protecting their space. As if you too don’t know how to find sit too.

6. The ones that’ll spend 100 years trying to use the machine

They don’t know how to use the ATM but instead of them to ask somebody to help them, they’ll be forming bahd guy.

7. The ones that’ll print receipt only to throw it away

Like, why’d you even bother then?

And now, here’s a post on all the things we hate about queuing at the ATM:

1. When you’re trying to use faith to withdraw from the ATM:

2. Nigerian movies be like:

3. Don’t mess with Naija mothers!

4. But why you gone and do like that?

5. That moment your phone falls and you hear “krin”

6. When you decide to use your last N100 to buy akara:

7. So is this how you people want to use your bad belle to spoil my day?

8. Oh you want to slap me? Oya go and carry stool I’ll wait:

9. When you are growing but your bank account has refused to grow with you:

10. Nigerian parents be thinking of all the errands they will send you:

And now, here’s a well deserved flashback to the Meme of all Memes:

1. Some idiots will assume you don’t love your skin the way it is and that deep down you really wish you were light skinned.

You don’t even know me.

2. So they will suggest that you bleach your skin.

“Listen, you probably mean well but I don’t want to end up looking like a three day old corpse. So no, thanks.”

3. They will ignore everything you’re saying and start suggesting bleaching creams you can use.

“Have you tried FOREVER CLEAR? WHITENING LOTION nko? What of GOAT MILK WHITENER?”

4. When this happens, shout sense into their head.

“DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR ME?! I DON’T WANT TO LOOK LIKE BOBRISKY!!! GTFO!”

5. Then there are those terrible humans that will say that they don’t date dark skin people.

This makes no sense because like half of the people that say this are dark skinned themselves. All of them are mad.

6. If you’re very dark, one idiot will try to nickname you “Nightcrawler” or worse, “Nightwalker”.

If someone calls you “Nightwalker”, you have every right to punch him/her in the throat. They deserve it.

7. If you are very dark, a lot of people will automatically assume that you’re from the North.

Believe me when I tell you that Nigerian stereotypes are just plain stupid.

8. Someone will joke that if you have children with another dark skinned person, your kids will be “black like satan”.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OFFENSIVE THIS IS?!!”

9. This is you when you see a job vacancy and the employers specifically ask for only light skinned people.

ARE WE NOT HUMAN BEINGS??!! ARE YOU MAD??!!

10. Whenever harmattan comes, you absolutely have to rub Vaseline or else you’ll end up looking like this

You will look like a low budget Nollywood ghost.

Now that you know the struggles of dark skin people, read this next article that properly chronicles the struggles of light skinned Nigerians.

10 Annoying Things Light Skinned People Can Relate To

1. Having Akara/Moinmoin and Pap for breakfast on Saturday.

The sleep you will sleep after will be out of this world.

2. The weekly “environmental” or cleaning.

When you scrub your house spotless, or at least try to.

3. Attending at least one owambe party.

Is it even a weekend without attending at least one owambe?

4. Having fried eggs and bread for Sunday breakfast.

The best way to start a Sunday!

5. Having jollof rice for Sunday dinner.

The best way to end a Sunday!

Nigerian weddings are without a doubt the best part of every weekend and here are 6 reasons why:

So a couple of days ago, I was surfing the internet innocently when I stumbled on this.

This got me thinking about if there was an actual thriving sex shop market in Nigeria that I didn’t know about.

So I decided to find out by searching the deepest darkest corners of Nigeria’s cyberspace.

And fam, what I found left me shook!!!

MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought we were among the top 10 most religious countries in the WORLD! What happened?!

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR MORALS?!!!

So there I was, on the floor, hugging myself and crying from what I had just seen.

When it occurred to me that I had to do something with this information.

So I decided to make a list of the weirdest, insane, most absurd, ridiculous and most importantly, hilarious sex toys I could find.

Because what we specialize in at Zikoko is making you laugh while also increasing your chances of going to Hell.

That was a joke btw. All we want to do is make you laugh. (But we will take your soul if you offer it to us willingly as a gift for all the joy and happiness we bring you)

So without further ado, here they are

The weirdest sex toys you will ever see!

1. Rabbit Vibrator

Apparently your pet rabbit needs some pleasuring too.

2. Sex Delay Rings

These look like brightly colored machine spare parts.

3. Universal Butt Plug

There are much bigger things to “plug” yourself with so what exactly is the point of this?

4. Red Pocket Lipstick Vibrator

Not all lipsticks are for the lips on your face. #StayWoke

5. Tongue Vibrator

A vibrating disembodied tongue?! What the hell is this freakshow??!!

6. The Hot Seat Inflatable Cushion

REVOLUTIONARY!

7. USB Vaginal Vibrating Egg

Why does it need a USB? LOL!

8. Rubber Duck Vibrator

This is why we can’t have good things. They took a children’s toy and turned it into a sex toy.

9. Rechargeable Storm Masturbator

You would see this and think it’s a speaker. You would be wrong.

10. The Piss Hole Wand

WHY?! WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO DO THIS?!

11. Mini Vaginal Masturbator

What the hell is this and why does it look like raw meat?

12. The Accomodator

WHAT. THE. HELL?!

13. Finger Crystal Condom

So is it like for your finger or…..?

14. Penis Ice Mold

For when you want penis shaped pieces of ice floating in your drink. I’m tired of humanity.

15. The Abominable Foot

HUMANITY WHY?!!!!!

16. Remote Control Vibrating Egg

Biko, why is there an iPod attached to this?

17. Black Glory Hole

I am NEVER eating chocolate again.

18. Da Smoke Penis Enlargers

These look like little pink Darth Vader helmets and now I will never see Star Wars the same way again.

If you enjoyed this post (which we know you did), check out this next one that compiles 13 tweets about sex toys on Twitter that will make you realize that Nigerians are not as shy as you think.

13 Tweets About Sex Toys That’ll Make You Realize Nigerians Are Not As Shy As You’d Think

Is your sweet potato pottage even yummy if you didn’t cook it Ilorin-style? We guess not – which is why we’re sharing this delicious, easy-to-prepare original recipe from Kwara, the home of sweet potatoes in Nigeria.

The ingredients for this meal are:

1. First, wash and chop all your vegetables. Also, blend the chilli peppers and tomatoes, set this aside and get to cooking your potatoes.

2. Put the cubed sweet potatoes in a pot then add your shredded fish, crayfish, chopped pepper, onions and meat stock – let this cook on low heat for 25 minutes.

3. In a separate sauce pan, heat up palm oil and fry the blended pepper mix for 8 minutes. Season the sauce with the most important ingredients of the day- Maggi Crayfish cubes and Maggi star cubes.

4. Pour the stew into the pot of potatoes, stir properly and mash some of the potatoes to thicken up the pottage.

5. After tasting for salt, add the spinach and spring onions. Let it cook for 5 minutes and your meal is ready!

6. Just look at this beauty!

Want to see how this meal preparation went down? Check out the recipe in the video below:

If you like Nigerian meals like we do, then be sure to check out Delicious Naija, from Maggi Nigeria.

Make sure to look out for the ‘Delicious Naija’ show at these times on your TV: 7:30 pm, Friday on Arewa24, 7:30 pm, Saturday on Africa Magic (Family) , 5 pm, Sunday on NTA, OR just watch it online right now!

1. When you get that notification that your parents are following you:

2. You start to wonder who even told them about the app:

3. Then you remember you were actually the one that downloaded it for them:

4. When your parents ask you if you’ve seen their follow notification:

Er…I’m not sure…

5. You when they tell you to follow them back:

6. You start to think of a good excuse not to:

But you can’t come up with one.

7. So you eventually follow back because, “what’s the worst that could happen”, right?

8. Then they start to lecture you on your choice of profile picture:

9. And send you a million and one broadcast messages:

10. And every two minutes they’re trying to video call:

Why use voice call when there is video and you can see everything?

11. They never get the hang of using the app:

12. So they’re constantly calling you for help:

13. And sending either indecipherable or inappropriate messages:

14. When you’re tired, you finally decide to block them:

15. Then when they get a new phone, the cycle begins all over again:

Parents and social media just don’t mix. And teaching parents how to use new technology has to be the absolute worst! Just see:

1. Happy Drunk

These ones will drink and just become stupidly happy for no reason. They’ll laugh hysterically at everything which is great because then they’re really fun to hang out with. The thing is, there is a chance that Happy Drunks drink to avoid their real life problems so if you’re a Happy Drunk, you have the potential to be a Raging Alcoholic. Sorry.

2. Sad Drunk

They’ll get drunk and start crying about anything and everything. Tell them that there’s no more food and they’ll start crying. Tell them to go home because the party is over and they’ll start crying. They will even start crying about that time someone broke up with them in primary school.

3. Angry Drunk

Once the alcohol kicks in, these ones just turn into Hulk Hogan. Any small thing that happens, they’ll want to fight. If you step on their shoe by mistake, RUN!

4. Talky Drunk

These ones will get drunk and just start talking anyhow. They will say everything they can to anybody that will listen. Try your best to escape from them because chances are they will hold you down and start telling you weirdly personal stuff.

5. Sleepy Drunk

They’ll get drunk and almost immediately pass out. Once this happens, don’t bother trying to wake them up because it won’t work. For the next couple of hours, they’ll be dead to the world.

6. Horny Drunk

These ones will get drunk and immediately turn to ashewo. If you’re ever bothered by a Horny Drunk, wipe them slap to return them to factory settings.

7. Paranoid Drunk

You’ll catch them sitting at a corner, wide eyed and looking around frantically like they just saw a ghost. These are the Paranoid Drunks. Walk over to them to ask if they’re OK and they’ll start screaming that you’re trying to steal their genitalia. Just leave them and eventually they’ll calm down.

If you enjoyed this, read this next article about the different types of people you see at every party.

7 Types Of People You See At Every Party

1. Makeup Artist (MUA)

All those ones that’ll manage to draw one eyebrow and all of a sudden they’ve turn professional makeup artist.

2. Jesus Baby

Aren’t we all Jesus’ babies? What makes you so special?

3. Sapiosexual

These are the ones that will be shouting “SAPIOSEXUAL!” up and down and will still end up dating an idiot that can barely read.    

4. Booking Info

What are they booking you for? You’re not a model, singer or actor. WHAT ARE THEY BOOKING YOU FOR?!

5. Age

Age that they will still lie about. What is now the point?

6. Coke Addict, Fanta Addict

What is our business?

7. Foodie

And all you eat is bread and akara. Stop lying to people.

8. Model

Just because you went to a studio for a photo session that one time does not make you a model.

9. Astrological Sign

NO ONE CARES.

10. Fashion Addict

As all your outfits are trash nko? How do you explain yourself?

If you enjoyed this, read this next post about how to properly spot fake Instagram vendors.

The Zikoko Guide To Spotting Fake Instagram Vendors

1. You will decide to start eating healthy and find out that healthy food is ridiculously expensive.

“Hian! All this money for leaves??”

2. You will eventually buy the food, start eating healthy and realize that healthy food isn’t always delicious.

Don’t let this picture deceive you. Healthy food tastes like grass and sadness.

3. Gyms too are freakishly expensive

Jesus!

4. When you get back from the gym on your first day, your body will feel like someone hit it with a truck.

EVERYTHING will hurt.

5. You will make a promise to yourself to stay away from junk food.

No more Coldstone ice cream!

6. And you will fail miserably.

The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.

7. One bad belle friend that knows your struggle will still be eating junk food around you.

“It’s like Devil sent you abi?”

8. After killing yourself at the gym, one idiot will see you and say that you’ve added more weight.

Saying things like this is why you will never find happiness.

9. After exercising and eating healthy for a week, you weigh yourself and find out you haven’t actually lost any weight.

GOD WHY?!!!!

10. Eventually you’ll give up because life is too short to be running when nothing is chasing you.

I’m done.

11. This will be you when someone asks you how your weight loss program is going

MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!!!

If you enjoyed this, read this next article about the annoying things fat people go through.

13 Times Fat People Have Felt Like Strangling Your Bony Asses To Death

Ladies and gentlemen, what happens when you combine avocado pears, Instagram and your phone camera?

The answer, as it turns out, is a nasty hand injury – the kind that will make you wince in fear from looking at it

WTF

The injury is so rampant in the US that doctors have even given it a name. It’s called ‘Avocado Hand’

@terriblybeautiful) + Follow

Look at this. My God.

Okay – so. Quick lesson. What, exactly is avocado hand?

It’s a cut to the hand from trying to peel avocado pears with a knife. If you’ve ever tried to peel those things, you know how tricky it can be.

De-stoning or ‘de-skinning’ your cute little avocado fruit is not such a safe chore after all.

@jrolph4646) + Follow

Apparently, the riper the fruit, the higher your chances of accidentally cutting yourself and (maybe) doing some serious nerve damage. Stay woke please!

If you’re as bothered as we are by this, here’s how to ensure you don’t get ‘Avocado Hand’:

When de-stoning the fruit, don’t use your own palm as the base. Use a flat surface instead. Be gentle when running the knife through the skin of the avocado – be extra careful if the fruit is very ripe. Remove the stone with a towel, or the blade of your knife. Keep your hands nice and safe, okay?

We love you ehn

1. When you’re sleeping and you smell food coming from the kitchen:

2. You hurrying back home at lunch time:

3. When you say “come and eat” out of politeness and the person goes to get a spoon:

4. When your favourite bukka reduces their serving size:

5. When somebody says, “you like food too much”

And what’s your own?

6. When you’ve just finished breakfast but you’re already thinking about what to have for lunch:

7. When your boyfriend thinks you’re upset with him but really you’re just hungry:

Really, it’s not you babe, I just want food!

8. When you go to a restaurant and they’re having a buffet:

9. “Snack break” is really a mini lunch:

If you love food, then you’ll love this:

1. So, you just graduated from a College Of Medicine or Faculty Of Pharmacy eh?

And they are even calling you young doctor or “pharm pharm” at home…

2. And they told you that Internship/Housemanship money is like blood money.

I mean, you have a list of family and friends you plan to kill with enjoyment.

3. Naturally, your walk self has changed. I mean Pre-rich binchessss!!

Low key, you start to look down on your other friends with non-medical degrees.

4. They kuku told you that they will be begging you for job so you even start to select places you want to do Internship.

I am a ‘Profeshunal’ please.

5. So, the places you applied to start to call you to write exams

You start to feel on top of the world.  I mean you are making it in real life without Daddy and Mummy’s help.

6. Five, Six, One million exams later…

Nothing. Not even ‘You are an olodo, don’t ever come back to this place again.’ Silence.

7. That’s how 6 months have gone since you graduated and you haven’t started killing anyone with enjoyment

People are starting to ask questions: ‘Did you really graduate?’ ‘When is Jamb?’ ‘Shebi doctors don’t look for work?’

8. And then some of your classmates that didn’t even struggle to write exams start to get jobs ahead of you

So, you go and beg them to show you the way.

9. Some say it is God, others say it is connection.

You know you are a sinner and your daddy doesn’t know anyone in this life. You start to panic.

10. Then you start to apply to places you had initially sworn you could never work in as a ‘Profeshuna.’

The Medical Director, Federal Medical Center Gombe, Epp!

11. Change your ways.

It is well.