Nigerians are expert storytellers, no doubt about it. This fact is evident in our largely oral history. But over the decades, our oral history began being recorded into stories that are as timeless and relevant – if not more than sef – as all the Shakespeare and Grimm Brothers’ fairytales.

Here are 16 timeless Nigerian books that the rest of the world ought to gather, sit down and read in much the same fashion as we used to read all their tea-sippin’, cookie-lovin’ stories:

1. God’s Big Toe by Obii Nwachukwu-Agbada

This story is about how one spoiled rich boy, Onwubiko’s life changes when his father dies. An important universal tale for all those privileged kids that forget to wake up grateful every morning.

2. Without a silver spoon by Eddie Iroh

From a book about a boy who had it all, to a book about a boy who did not really have anything to begin with. Without a silver spoon teaches that honesty is indeed the best policy; a universal lesson for everyone.

3. The Second Chance by Nyengi Koin

This is a story of how love conquers all. Move over Romeo and Juliet, come see how real romance plays out.

4. The Passport of Mallam Ilia by Cyprian Ekwensi

It is a story of betrayal and revenge told in such a way that keeps you captivated to the end. It also shows a glimpse of the Northern Nigerian culture and history.

5. The Drummer Boy by Cyprian Ekwensi

This is a very touching story of Akin, the blind drummer boy, and all the many people he meets on his rigmarole sojourn in the world. It’s a touching tale of what blind trust looks like – both figuratively and literally.

6. Dizzy Angel by Grace Nma Osifo

What’s it like being an ogbanje? I will never forget that scene where she describes making herself faint. This one is just a beautiful story of how in spite of tradition and superstitious beliefs, Ogbanje was still able to choose her own destiny. It has everything you will love in a good story, action, drama and yes, what is a good African tale without a bit of magic?

7. The Bottled Leopard by Chukwuemeka Ike

This epic novel will open your mind to the mystical realities in such a way that you have never experienced it. You will wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if you are really alone in the world. The spirit world will join with the real world. You will learn that before there were aliens, there were spirits.

8. The Incorruptible Judge by D. Olu Olagoke

Just like it’s title, this book is about a judge that simply refused to take bribe. Not quite like some real life judges today. But it just goes to show that there is no “fantastically corrupt” nation, only people. And also that corruption can exist in the most seemingly insignificant and subtle of places.

9. Efuru by Flora Nwapa

This is a pioneer story which features a Nigerian heroine that blazed the trail for many future novels with heroines. It will change everything the world thought it knew about women in historically patriarchal Nigeria.

10. The Stillborn by Zaynab Alkali

Yet another book that addresses the female reality in historically and traditionally patriarchal Nigeria. For all those who think feminism is a western construct, think again.

11. The Concubine by Elechi Amadi

This strong debut novel does what most novels of that time did; it explored the power of the spiritual in Nigerian culture. It will also teach you how to know if you have spirit husband.

12. Toads For Supper by Vincent Chukwuemeka Ike

A complicated tale of love. Inarguably a classic. Which should be more than enough reason to read it.

13. The Last Duty by Isidore Okpewho

The writing style isn’t the only thing to love about this book, there’s also the strong themes and characters. It’s a powerful book about war and the emotional and psychological consequences of war and it should have it’s place up there right next to A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway.

14. The Joys of Motherhood by Buchi Emecheta

This story takes you through the life of Nnu Ego and shows you every woman, or female, you have ever known. And the beauty of it is, this story is not just a depiction of a Nigerian reality, it shows a glimpse of a worldwide reality. Pretty heavy stuff!

15. & 16. Eze Goes to School And Eze Goes To College

Co-authored by Onuora Nzekwu and Michael Crowder, is there any book more iconic than these two? It is the story of a boy who is determined to go to school despite the many challenges on his way.

And now, here’s a list of Nigerian novels that will make pretty awesome movies:

If the comedy is set in a rich home, these are the rules to follow.

1. First things first. Mr. Ibu has to be in it.

Nigerian comedy movie that doesn’t have Mr. Ibu. Is that one Nigerian comedy movie?

2. His name in the movie will be Mr. Ibu and you must have him play a gateman or driver.

Because at this point, John Okafor plays the exact same character in every movie he appears in.

3. Have there be an amebo housegirl that the driver/gateman can gossip with from time to time.

Everybody loves a good amebo partner.

4. The gateman must flirt with the housegirl in every scene they’re in together and the housegirl will PLAYFULLY reject his advances.

She has to play “hard to get” na.

If the comedy is set in a village, these are the rules to follow.

5. If the movie’s main characters are poor, have them be uneducated too. Make their illiteracy really obvious by having them speak nonsense English from time to time.

Mr. Ibu must be the husband and Ngozi Ezeonu must be the wife.

6. The man must be a womanizer who is stingy to his family but gives the little money he makes to all his side chicks.

Because men are scum.

7. Because of the stingy womanizing husband, the wife must be a nagger.

GIVE ME MONEY FOR SOUP JOOR YOU SHAMELESS BASTARD!!!

8. To make the lives of the poor family worse (funnier), make them have one son who keeps getting in trouble because of “get rich quick schemes”.

This child will either be Aki or Pawpaw.

If the comedy is set in a Nigerian university, these are the rules to follow.

9. The main character must be a young girl. A new student in 100 level.

An innocent fresher.

10. The actress playing the main character MUST be obviously older than a real life 100 level student.

Like this Yoruba movie I saw one time where FATHIA BALOGUN (48 Years Old) played a 200 level student and FUNSHO ADEOLU (also 48 Years Old) played  a Fresher.

11. She must be from one of the three major tribes in Nigeria Make her tribe really obvious by giving her an intense native name.

If she’s Igbo, name her NKECHI. If she’s Yoruba, name her SHAKIRAT . If she’s Hausa, name her SALAMATU.

12. Make her nice and naive so eventually she’ll join bad gang.

So she’ll start raising shoulder.

13. Have something terrible (almost) happen to her so she will change her life and go back to being a good girl.

At this point you should know what movie I just made reference to. Lol

Now that you know the rules to making a comedy movie in Nollywood, read this next article that details how to fall in love according to Nollywood.

The Nollywood Guide To Falling In Love

1. The fact that they urinate everywhere and anywhere they go.

Imagine the outrage that would ensue if a woman did this.

2. The fact that everywhere you turn, someone is selling man power i.e sexual performance enhancers.

Fun Fact: Most of these things are poison. The ones that aren’t poison, don’t work.

3. All the stories about penises getting stolen with jazz in Oshodi.

I’ve always wondered. If your penis gets stolen with jazz, does it leave a gaping hole or just bare skin?

4. That myth about a man’s penis becoming small if you cross over him.

A small penis is social suicide for a man.

5. Men sitting in public with their legs spread wide open.

The ultimate “I have a penis” pose.

6. When a man can’t impregnate his wife and people ask him, “Are you even a man?”

If your penis doesn’t work, you’re not  a man.

7. The myth about a man’s penis disappearing if you flog him with a broom.

I’m asking again. If your penis gets stolen, does it leave a gaping hole or bare skin??

8. Men packing their crotches all the time.

The official “my penis is so big I have to adjust it every two minutes” gesture.

As you’ve read this, you should definitely read the Nigerian parent’s guide to sex education.

The Nigerian Parent’s Guide To ‘Sex Education’

1. When you take buses and keke napeps for 90% of the journey and then use an Uber for the last 10% so you arrive at where you’re going in grand style.

Laides and Gentlemen. I have arrived!

2. When you take an old Eva bottle and fill it with tap water on your way to work.

I can use that N150 for something else abeg.

3. When you use all your money to buy an expensive wristwatch and then you take pictures so you can show off the watch for your Instagram fam.

They don’t know that you’re going to drink garri for the rest of the month.

4. When you manage to go to the beach one time and you take like 300 pictures so you can upload one everyday for the next 1 year.

They must think I ball everyday.

5. When you borrow your roommate’s expensive shoes so you cross your legs anytime you sit down so people can notice.

See my borrow pose slay!

6. When you scatter your rent money on your bed and take a picture with it and then caption it, “Money ain’t a problem”.

Meanwhile the rent money isn’t even complete and your Landlord is about to throw you out.

7. When you’re drinking Sprite at the mall and it finishes so you go to the bathroom and fill the bottle up with water.

Because you know nobody will be able to tell the difference by just looking at it.

Did you enjoy this article about broke people that form rich? Sure you did! Now, read this next article about all the things broke people are tiring of hearing.

9 Things Broke AF People Are Tired Of Hearing

1. Location is everything. You can use the city but the bush is always better.

The forest will add an extra layer of suspense to the movie. And you can’t beat those natural sounds of the owl hooting or the crickets chirping to make your movie extra scary.

2. You will need a white sheet for your ghost.

The ghost wearing it may or may not have their face painted white. The sheet takes care of that.

3. There has to be a chief priest or scary old man who uses cowrie shells to talk with the gods.

4. There must be a coven of witches that will be destroyed.

Yes! Up up Jesus! Down down Satan!

5. You can include an animal in your movie, but don’t worry about getting the real thing, visual effects will do.

6. Also include a mystical creature or two which the hero/heroine(s) will battle and eventually kill.

7. You’ll also need Patience Ozorkwor to lead your coven of witches.

And they have to be dressed in red.

8. Then you’ll need zobo. Lots of zobo.

9. You’ll also need white chalk. Plenty of white chalk.

Or white talcum powder. You can take your pick.

10. And you’ll need to get this guy:

And make him use his family for rituals.

11. But if you can’t find him, you can also use this guy:

And you better make him king.

Your horror movie can also feature:

12. Skin diseases…

13. Multiple breasts…

14. And Medusa…

Or at least the Nigerian Medusa.

15. Or you can just pack some boys into the bush, tell them to remove cloth and carry coffin in the night for money ritual.

Want more Zikoko guides? How about this one to help figure out if your partner is cheating on you?

1. Shouting “UP NEPA” whenever the power comes back on.

Only in Nigeria.

2. Saying “In case of Incasity”

Incasity is not a word. LOL

3. Referring to this breed of dog as “Local Dogs”.

Till today nobody knows their real name.

4. People saying “please dress for me” when they really mean “please shift for me”.

Common slang when you’re inside danfo.

5. Expecting them to take light whenever it starts raining.

Nepa sef ehn.

6. Nigerian time.

All we do is go late for everything.

7. Expecting an insane amount of food at any party.

If you don’t give me enough Jollof at your party, I will drag you on Twitter!

If you enjoyed this article about the most Nigerian things ever, read this next article about the myths that every Nigerian believed growing up.

15 Myths Every Nigerian Believed Growing Up

1. Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

Born to Nigerian Yoruba parents but given up for adoption to a British couple, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje has been repping Nigeria in Hollywood since he starred in his first movie (Congo) in 1995. Since then he’s become a bigger star, starring in big budget Hollywood movies like The Mummy Returns, The Bourne Identity, G.I Joe, Thor 2 and most recently, the monster hit DC Superhero movie, Suicide Squad.

2. Chiwetel Ejiofor

Born in London to Nigerian Igbo parents, Chiwetel Ejiofor, at age 19, gained admission into The London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art and after only 3 months, was hand picked by Steven Spielberg to star in the movie ‘Amistad’. His star in Hollywood only grew bigger from there. He’s gone on to be in a long list of awesome movies like American Gangster, Inside Man (with Denzel Washington), Salt, 2012, 12 Years A Slave (which he was nominated for an Academy award for) and the Nollywood/Hollywood collaboration, Half Of A Yellow Sun.

3. David Oyelowo

Born in Oxford, England to Nigerian Yoruba parents, David Oyelowo studied theater studies at  City and Islington College and went on to study at the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts. He broke into Hollywood in 2001 and since then has been in movie like, Rise of the planet of the apes, The Help, Lincoln, The Butler and Selma where he played Dr. Martin Luther King. This role saw him nominated for numerous awards.

4. Chukwunonso Nwachukwu “Nonso” Anozie

Nonso Anozie was born in Camden, London, England to Nigerian Igbo parents and graduated from the Central School of Speech & Drama in 2002. Since then he’s starred in Jack Reacher 2, Nanny McPhee 2, Cinderella (2015), Pan and Game of Thrones.

5. Uzo Aduba

Born in Boston Massachussets to Nigerian Igbo parents, Uzo Aduba studied Classical Voice at Boston University. She is best known for playing the role of Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren in the Netflix hit comedy/drama, Orange Is The New Black.

6. Gbenga Akinnagbe

Gbenga Akiinagbe was born in Washington, D.C. to Nigerian Yoruba parents. He has starred in a lot of hit movies like The Taking of Pelham 123, The Lottery Ticket, Independence Day 2 and also on tv shows like The Wire, 24: Live Another Day.

If you enjoyed this article, then you’ll love this one about why we give Hollywood the side eye whenever we watch their movies.

8 Reasons We Give Hollywood Movies The Side Eye

1. ‘Jagbajantis’ by Sound Sultan

Sound Sultan sang about people sleeping at the American embassy in their bid to get visas, people selling all their property to make up the money to buy tickets. Basically, trying to escape this country by any means possible.   This song was released 17 years ago.   Nothing has changed

2. ‘Jaga Jaga’ by Eedris Abdulkareem

In 2004, during Olusegun Obasanjo’s tenure, Eedris Abdulkareem sang about how Nigeria was in a general state of disarray and how its people were suffering because of it.   Tell me. Is it any different now?

3. ‘Surulere’ by Lagbaja

In this song, Lagbaja sings about how we must have a little patience because democracy takes time to work. It’s been almost 20 years. Nigeria’s democracy looks like one big joke.

4. ‘Mr. President’ by African China

In this song from over 10 years ago, African China sang about how poor people are paraded and disgraced whenever they steal but when rich people do the same, no one hears anything.   How many politicians have been caught stealing money in recent times and how many have gone to jail for it?

5. ‘Beasts Of No Nation’ by Fela

In 1989, Fela released the song, Beasts Of No Nation. In it he sings about our leaders being animals in human skin. Basically pretending to be something they’re not.   Are our leaders today any different?

If you liked this, read this next article about 25 Nigerian hit songs you probably haven’t heard since 2006.

25 Nigerian Hit Songs You Probably Haven’t Heard Since 2006

Undoubtedly, The Wedding Party was LIT!

Sola Sobowale was giving us so much life!

So naturally, this was us when we heard that there was going to be a sequel to The Wedding Party!!!

And here are 5 reasons why we can’t wait for The Wedding Party 2 to come out:

1. Dunni And Dozie are expecting twins!!

Yes! In keeping with the Nigerian tradition to start dropping babies immediately the wedding is over, behind-the-scene images have revealed that Dunni is pregnant! Whoop! Wouldn’t it be perfect if The Wedding Party 2 ended with the delivery? Hello Dunzie Jr!

2. The Wedding Party grossed a record 3.5billion at the box office and we can’t wait to see if The Wedding Party 2 will beat this record!

The Wedding Party remained sold out in cinemas all over the country for weeks after its official release. We can’t wait to see how well the sequel does. Although if all this growing anticipation is anything to go by, we suspect it’ll be a smashing success!

3. We also can’t wait to see if some of that post-engagement chemistry between Banky and Adesua will carry unto the big screen.

If you didn’t know these two are now engaged, you’re slacking and there’s no amount of elastic that can fix it. We can’t wait to troop into the cinema to see if these two are loved up for real, or if all that engagement talk was just publicity for the movie (because we have trust issues).

4. There’s an even bigger and more hilarious cast!

If you thought the cast of The Wedding Party was star-studded, The Wedding Party 2 has an even bigger cast with many returning acts and a few new ones such as Dakore Egbuson Akande, Omoni Oboli, Seyi Law and our one and only ChiGul acting as an Immigration officer!

5. Aand the movie is not out yet but there’s already so much drama!

According to the official synopsis, The Wedding Party 2: Destination Dubai is centred on Dozie’s brother, Nonso (Enyinna Nwigwe), who while on a date with Dunni’s oyinbo friend Deirdre (Daniella Down) – who was crushing on him anyhow in the first movie –  somehow managed to propose by accident. How someone proposes by accident we don’t know, but we suppose that’s the suspense these people want to kill us with.

If you too can’t wait to watch The Wedding Party 2 do like this:

And now, if you need help getting into your The Wedding Party vibes, this post should do the trick!

1. Jazz

People are saying that the Ooni used jazz to set the Oba’s palace on fire because he’s still angry about being snubbed.

2. Ooni hired thugs to burn the palace down.

Because he’s still angry about being snubbed.

3. Accident

I mean it’s completely possible that there was a power surge. Jazz seems like a more fun theory tho. Which leads to this next entry.

4. Sango was involved.

Apparently some people believe that Sango was pissed about the Oba snubbing the Ooni and decided to retaliate on the Ooni’s behalf. What the hell is wrong with people??! Lmao

5. Someone in the palace forgot a candle on and slept off.

And then so they wouldn’t get in trouble, spread the rumor about seeing thugs burning the place down. LOL

6. Sango was responsible but this time, he was summoned.

Someone, pissed on behalf of the Ooni, summoned Sango to burn the palace down. I’m tired of you people tbh.

1. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

The original lyrics of this rhyme was in French and told of a young girl tormented by love. A very sad something, not the starry, hopeful tune we constantly recited.

2. Rock a Bye Baby

Even the lyrics alone are enough to make you wonder what you were saying as a child. This rhyme is basically predicting future harm about to befall a child. The unofficial history of the rhyme says that it was written by a pilgrim who had observed Native-American baby cradles hanging from the branches of trees, swaying children to sleep…and possibly to their deaths.

3. Three Blind Mice

Now this one is just painful to read, even without knowing the origins of the rhyme. It is believed that the earlier version written by English composer, Thomas Ravenscroft, referred to Mary I of England (“Bloody Mary”) and her execution of the Protestant martyrs, Nicholas Ridley and Hugh Latimer; and the Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Cramner, in 1555. Have you ever heard a more violent rhyme?

4. Row Row Row Your Boat

5. Pop! Goes The Weasel

  No, Pop! Isn’t the sound a weasel makes. It’s an old English slang that means to pawn something (that is, sell it at a pawn shop) while “weasel” translates to “coat”. And the rhyme is about how no matter how poor a London man was in those days, he was expected to own a suit in order to dress nicely on Sunday. So he would pawn the suit (“Pop goes the weasel”) on Monday and then purchase it back before Sunday. A very silly tradition if you ask me but we sang it with so much excitement! Using our fingers to do the “Pop! Goes the weasel!” so it’ll sound very well. SMH.

6. Goosey Goosey Gander

  Another violent poem about how back in 16th century Europe, most people were busy either fighting off plagues or killing off Catholics. Priests were persecuted for saying their prayers in Latin instead of English and so had to pray, because if they were caught, they would be given a very swift and very painful punishment of being hurled down the stairs. Ouch!

7. Mary Mary Quite Contrary

  This is another poem that alludes to the Catholic Queen “Bloody” Mary, her “garden” is a graveyard of martyred protestants, the silver bells and cockleshells were her instruments of torture, and the pretty maids referred to The Maiden, an English version of the guillotine. What was wrong with these British people?  

8. Ring Around the Rosy

This one will make you want to cry. The rhyme alludes to the Black Plague that nearly wiped out all of Europe. The “ring around the rosy” refers to the red blotches caused by the plague. The “pocket full of posies” refers to the packets of herbs used to fight the infection, “ashes” refers to the cremation of the dead and “all fall down” refers to the fact that the plague affected both the rich and poor. Side note fellow Nigerians, it is “Ashes” o, not “a-ti-shoo!” You’re not sneezing.

9. Mary Had a Little Lamb

  This rhyme might actually be the only rhyme based on a real occurrence. A real girl named Mary did take her lamb to school and naturally a raucous ensued. The first lines were written by visiting Harvard University student, John Roulstone who had seen what happened, and the rest – quite literally – is history.

10. Humpty Dumpty

11. Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush

You know how they say sagging originated from prison, well, this rhyme legit originated from prison too. Female prisoners in England’s Wakefield Prison would exercise round a mulberry tree. So every time you sang it…hehehe…

12. London Bridge Is Falling Down

There are a couple of meanings to this rhyme. But the most common one and the one that will definitely leave you shook is the one that connects the bridge in the rhyme with the practice of “immurement“. Which is something they used to do in the past where they’d put someone in a structure and seal it off so that they’d just die of hunger and thirst. This human sacrifice is believed to make the structure strong and last longer and it is believed they did that to little children under the London Bridge. Like, WTH! And they’ll tell you oyinbo no dey do witchcraft, IFIH! But that’s not the freakiest part, you know how as kids we would sing the song and take turns moving under an “arch” that we formed? That was us legit practicing ritual sacrifice without knowing. Mind sufficiently blown? Yeah…I thought so.

13. The Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe

  The origin of this rhyme is sorta shrouded in mystery and some theories say it has some allusion to the British monarchy – because English people are very full of themselves and everything has to be about them – but just think about the rhyme for a minute. Why so much violence woman? I think maybe there was recession and the woman was just tired.

14. This Old Man

The origin of this rhyme suggests some unfair treatment of the Irish by the English. Historically, these neighbors weren’t really best of friends and if the Irish were indeed treated poorly and then sent “rolling home” like the rhyme suggests, then it is no wonder.

15. Baa Baa Black Sheep

  This rhyme is really all about wool but the earlier version has one difference. Where there is now “one” there used to be “none”. At that time, the farmers were so heavily taxed that after giving one-third to the king and one-third to the church, there was nothing left for the poor farmer. AYA…

16. Jack And Jill

Guys!! Jack and Jill really did climb that hill for more than just a pail of water. But it’s a very tragic story really. According to these guys, Jack and Jill were a young unmarried couple who used to climb the hill for some “rock climbing and chill” so that no one will catch them. That was how Jill carry belle but just before she gave birth, Jack was killed by a rock that had fallen from their ‘chilling’ hill. A few days later, Jill died while giving birth to their love child. That story is too sad. It’s not even fair.

17. Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo

This rhyme is just racist. Well, at least it was before they changed the “nigger” that was there to “tiger”, because really, why would you even think to catch a tiger by its toe?

18. Old Roger Is Dead

This rhyme will leave you with more questions than answers. Why did Roger die? Why did they plant the apple tree over his head? Why did Old Roger give the woman a knock? And why did the woman hop? Was it not her head and not her leg that they knocked? Why? WHY? WHY?!!! Too many questions that probably weren’t passing through your mind as a child.

Knowing all you now know about these rhymes, would you teach them to your children?

1. The only footballers you know are C.Ronaldo and Lionel Messi.

Apparently they’re the greatest footballers ever so people never shut up about them.

2. You really don’t know what “Offside” means.

Even after like 30 people at the viewing center have explained to you.

3. This is you when someone asks you what the scores were from last night’s match.

Ehh……I suppose watch am but light no dey.

4. When people ask you what club you support, you immediately say Manchester United.

And then you runaway sharp sharp before they ask you any other question about the club.

5. This is you when football fans are arguing at the top of their voices like mad people.

What is all this nonsense? Are they paying you people?

6. When someone asks you who you think will win this year’s Ballon d’Or and you’re like

Sorry please what are you talking about?

7. When all the people at the viewing center are screaming in excitement but you’re only there because your friends dragged you along so you try and fake excitement.

But really you just want to go home.

8. This is how people look at you when Nigeria is playing but you just don’t give a damn.

Unpatriotic Nigerian oshi.

9. When you’re a guy and people tell you that you’re not a man because you don’t like football.

YOUR FATHER IS NOT A MAN!!!!

10. Whenever one major football tournament ends and you’re happy because you’ll finally hear word but then you find out that another one is starting soon.

HAY GOD!

If you enjoyed this article, read this next one about everything that happens when a Nigerian bets on football.

Everything That Happens To Nigerians That Bet On Football

1. You’ll be in denial when people start telling you that your hair is thinning at the top of your head.

Shut up joor. I’m only 17.

2. You look at your Afro in the mirror and you think to yourself that you can NEVER be bald.

With all this hair? All these people are haters abeg.

3. You’ll blame the barber every time he carves the edges of your hair and it doesn’t grow back properly.

This barber sef no sabi cut hair!

4. One day you’ll decide to lower your Afro at the barbershop and it will never grow back to the former height again.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

5. You start thinking of all the ways you can fight baldness.

Didn’t Rooney the footballer have a hair transplant?

6. Then you remember that unlike Rooney, you’re broke and can’t afford hair transplant.

This life sha.

7. You’ll buy one of those creams that promise fast hair growth.

It’ll work. It contains 100% Indian hemp. I have faith.

8. This is you when you find out that you’ve lost even more hair since you started using the cream.

THEY’VE SCAMMED ME OH!

9. You’ll look at old pictures of yourself from when you still had hair and ask God why this is happening to you.

Who did I offend?

10. Eventually you’ll give in and accept your fate.

Nature, do whatever you want with me.

11. Then just like 2Face, you start shaving your head completely. You’re finally at peace with your baldness.

Acceptance is the key to being truly free.

As you’ve enjoyed this article about the struggle of bald people, read this next one about the struggles of a Nigerian with natural hair.

14 Pictures That Nigerians With Natural Hair Will Understand Immediately

When it comes to tasty food combos, Lagosians can never carry last!

1. Because, there’s the delicious Ewa Agoyin and Agege bread to have for breakfast.

2. We can’t forget to mention Frejon and fish stew.

3. What about the timeless fried yam and akara?

4. Yam pottage and efo-riro for lunch is lit AF!

5. And finally, Jollof Pasta with a sizzling side dish of Gizdodo.

And this meal was made in just 20 minutes!

Want to see how it was cooked? Check the video below for the full recipe.

For even more easy-to-prepare Nigerian recipes, check out Delicious Naija, from Maggi Nigeria.

Make sure to look out for the ‘Delicious Naija’ show at these times on your TV:  7:30 pm, Friday on Arewa24,  7:30 pm, Saturday on Africa Magic (Family) , 5 pm, Sunday on NTA,  OR  just watch it online right now!

It was an inspiring moment for the world, but particularly for Nigerians, when 39 year-old Emmanuel Macron emerged winner of the French Presidential elections.

It was particularly inspiring for Nigerians because it is hard to imagine anyone less than forty ruling our country. Especially as even our constitution requires a Presidential candidate to be 40 years or above to be eligible to contest.

…and also, apparently, a candidate must also be male.

But the youth in Nigeria are not sleeping, and if there’s anything we have learnt about the power of young Nigerians, it is that we can do anything we set our minds to.

Here is a list – in no particular order – of 6 Nigerians under 40 who could lead Nigeria if that nonsense forty or over law did not exist:

1. Japheth Omojuwa

This 32 year-old blogger, public speaker, socio-economic and political commentator and social media expert, was also named the most influential young Nigerian way back in 2012, among other accolades and awards. He’s always on Twitter, openly criticizing the Nigerian government and all its shortcomings. If Nigeria was a fair country, he should have the opportunity to create a party, campaign and maybe even win.

2. Seun Onigbinde

Co-founder and CEO of BudgIT Nigeria, his passion to make governance more accountable and transparent has helped foster social change. If this 31 year-old were to be allowed to campaign, how much transparent and accountable do you think his government would be?

3. Ayo Sogunro

This 32 year-old Activist, Lawyer and Writer, is also a Social Entrepreneur. You can find him on Twitter here. His political contributions have inspired many. Imagine how much more he could achieve if given the chance to campaign?

4. Chude Jideonwo

Lawyer, award-winning journalist, media entrepreneur and also co-founder and Managing Partner of Red Africa/The Future Project. This 32 year-old has created an online media dynasty in such a short time, imagine what he could do with Nigeria if the “ogas at the top” will just allow somebody to be great?

5. Aisha Yesufu

She might be over 40, but her dedication and influence in the #BringBackOurGirls campaign in addition to her no-holds-barred approach to speaking the truth has earned her a spot in this list of young Nigerians who would do a spanking job at ruling if given the opportunity. At 43 years-old, she stands for what she believes in and fights for it to the very end, a quality anyone who is thinking of bringing healing to Nigeria as its leader must certainly possess.

6. Bukky Shonibare

Founder of Girl Child Africa, Coordinator of Adopt-A-Camp set up to assist IDPs , CEO of 555 Consulting (HR | Strategy | Dev). She is also a fierce supporter of the #BringBackOurGirls campaign. Bukky Shonibare is force to reckon with, and at 35 years-old, she is one young female under 40 we know would carry Nigeria on her shoulders to see the country reach greatness; if all those bad belle people were no longer there.

1. State of Emergency

Directed by Teco Benson, this movie told the story of a group of terrorists (they were former soldiers) who kidnap and hold 9 Ministers hostage. The movie starred Saint Obi, J.T Tom West, Kunle Coker, Rachael Oniga and many others. If you somehow haven’t seen this movie, you should. It is hands down, the best action movie Nollywood has produced till date. There is this one scene where Saint Obi saves Rachael Oniga’s son from a bomb blast that will make you shout “Wawu!”.

2. Most Wanted

This movie tells the story of 4 unemployed female graduates who are unable to find jobs so they decide to go into armed robbery instead. Dressed as men, they carry out all their operations smoothly. The movie starred Regina Askia, Ibinabo Fiberesima, Liz Benson and also Genevieve Nnaji in her first movie role ever. Also, a lot of people don’t know this but “Most Wanted” was pretty much a rip-off of the American movie “Set It Off”.

3. Issakaba

Issakaba had FIVE PARTS. This is the first thing you need to know. It was pretty awesome though so that shouldn’t really bother you. It was about a time when corruption was all over the place so a group of vigilantes took it upon themselves to cleanse the land using juju and supernatural powers. It starred Sam Dede, Chiwentala Agu, Amaechi Muonagor, Susan Obi and a lot of other familiar faces. How insane is it that pretty much every Nollywood movie has like 4-5 parts?

4. Kajola

Kajola was supposed to be groundbreaking. It was different from anything Nollywood had seen at the time. It was a dystopian Sci-Fi/Action movie set in the year 2059. It was about a bleak future version of Lagos where all the rich people had moved to The Island and the third mainland bridge had been destroyed, leaving all the people left on the mainland to fight for survival. It starred Desmond Elliot and a bunch of other familiar faces. The only thing wrong with this movie was the special effects. The filmmakers had awesome ideas, like this shot of the Third Main Land bridge destroyed in the year 2059…….

……but they didn’t have the funds and technology to back it up and because of this, the movie’s special effects were terrible. Like Play Station 1 terrible. It was so sad. You should still see it though.

Now that you know some of the awesome Nollywood action movies, check out this next article to see a list of the greatest Nollywood movies of all time!

The 10 Greatest Movies From The Golden Age of Nollywood

1. The Raging Alcoholic

Everyone knows that there is always alcohol at parties and that people get drunk. That’s the way parties work but there is always that one person that overdoes it with the drinking, gets insanely drunk and eventually starts causing wahala. That is the Raging Alcoholic. He will get drunk, cause trouble and will eventually get thrown out. If you’ve never seen a Raging Alcoholic then chances are YOU are the Raging Alcoholic. Go and get help biko.

2. The Professional DJ

This person is NOT a professional DJ. This person just thinks that their taste in music is so awesome that they should decide the music everybody at the party dances to. This person does this by disturbing the actual DJ and making song requests like they’re a 6 year old at a children’s party. The annoying thing is that this person, 100% of the time, has a terrible taste in music. This person usually doesn’t get thrown out but if YOU do throw them out, everyone will thank you.

3. The Obvious Introvert

The fact that people are at parties shows that they are at least trying to socialize. The Obvious Introvert however will not even try. You’ll see them sitting in a corner looking uncomfortable or scrolling on their phone. Half the time they’re not even drinking! Like, WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?!

4. The Obvious Extrovert

This is that person that’ll just show up to the party and start making noise. They’ll grab the first drink they see (even if it’s in someone else’s hands) and start greeting everybody by hugging or violently shaking hands like they’re trying to remove people’s wrists. We know you’re sociable and outgoing. You don’t have to prove it to everybody. Calm down abeg.

5. The Idiot that keeps trying to get everybody to play ‘Devil’s Basket’.

No one wants to do this! Do you think this is secondary school?  GTFO!

6. The Trained Dancer

This one will just enter dance floor and start dancing like they’re fighting kung-fu. If you stand too close to them when they start, you will injure.

7. That one person that refuses to leave when the party is over.

This person might low-key be homeless and is probably just looking for a place to crash. Then again if you decide to be a good Samaritan and let him spend the night, there’s a chance he’ll steal everything you own before morning so it’s probably best if you just throw him out.

If you enjoyed reading this (which of course you did) read this next article about 17 things you’ll immediately recognize if you’ve been to a Nigerian house party.

17 Things That Are Too Real For Anyone Who Has Ever Attended A House Party In Nigeria

About a week ago, we were trying to find the craziest insults from the different Nigerian languages.

Based on the responses, we can conclude that regardless of the tribe, Nigerians are just not nice people.

From Yoruba to Igbo to Ibibio insults, here are the seven craziest ones we got:

This is a Yoruba insult for a person that likes food. But is is a crime to like food? Is it?

It’s a Yoruba insult that means fool. Again, these Yoruba people ehn!

An Igbo insult that means, “a useless animal is better than you”. But, how? How can you even say something like this to someone? How?

It’s an Igbo insult, but we’re not entirely sure what it means. It sounds very hurtful though. The kind of thing that’ll just make you sit down and think about your life.

A Yoruba insult that directly translates to “one with a stainless arm/hand” and is used to insult a lazy person. But how do you even use stainless steel to yab somebody sha? How?

These ones are Yoruba insults which we’re sure in the true fashion of Yoruba insults will just pain you to your chest.

An Igbo insult that means, “may you die of uncontrollable running stomach.” This one is just harsh. Not nice at all. As in, at all.

An Igbo insult that means, “May a dog lick your butt.” And I ask once again; But why? Why? Why??

An Idoma insult that means bush meat/foolish person. If you did not know the word, you’ll be thinking they want to give you food, not knowing that they are yabbing you.

And now, here’s a post on childhood insults that’ll make you remember the old days:

We know that politics is a messy game and politicians can never be trusted. When it comes down to it, they’ll tell you whatever you want to hear that will get you to put your guard down.

And then after they’ll come and be doing you anyhow.

Their campaign speeches and posters are always full of promises. Then when they get into power, they’ll start to change mouth.

Just look at these 12 campaign posters from the 2015 elections and see all the lies that full everywhere.

Bros Ambode promised to “make Lagos work for all”, but the people of Otodo Gbame community beg to disagree. Lagos is not working for them at all. Like, not one bit.

So many promises for “a better society”, but markets are getting demolished “by mistake”. Is it fair? No, is it fair?

These ones promised us electricity, affordable kerosine and security. How much more electricity and kerosine have we had? Just how much more secure do we feel?

Zero corruption? Discipline? Of who? By who?

Are our passports not still being made in Malaysia? And what about the GEO bill that has been lingering in the Senate forever? What is being done about it?

Maybe this campaign poster was seeing into the future, because it cannot be a representation of any kind of reality; whether past or current. Which inflation went down? Is it the one in formerly rotund bellies heavy with food? Okay, okay…maybe it’s that one.

Eyss, just move away with your nonsense trust. Is it you that cannot trust Naija doctors to take care of you? We should now trust you to do what? You’re looking for our trust, where is your own?

Erm..there’s sha still bad roads now. Infact, worse roads sef. So…hafa?

I’m not even sure which generation they’re talking about.

Which good term? No vacancy ko, no accommodation ni. Isn’t it another person that is there now?

This one is just a big WAWU! All the many incidences of Fulani Herdsmen attacks and religious killings, how many have been addressed personally by the Government? Abeg, abeg…comot for here.

Hmm! Only saviour indeed! In that case Nigeria is already doomed then. If her “only saviour” has left for medical checkup. How will we ever survive? Who will deliver us?

Nigerian politicians are just one kind, and this next post is proof:

1. You know there is no job out there.

As if I don’t know the country I live in.

2. You are not entering the Labour market but the FAVOUR MARKET.

This isn’t a depressing thing but it’s just really really corny.

3. No salary is too small.

So If I live in Ikorodu and a company in Lekki offers me a job with a salary of 10K, I should take it? Do you have sense like this?

4. You should really think about going into Agriculture.

After 5 years of Engineering, you want me to go into Farming! ARE YOU MAD?!!!!

5. The violent taketh it by force.

So I should murder other applicants when I go for job interviews? How does this apply to my job search?

6. Write a lot of professional exams.

WILL YOU HELP ME PAY FOR THEM?!

7. Register on all the job vacancy websites.

Tell me. Do you know anybody that has actually gotten a job from these things?

8. Make sure you get Government job.

But Sir, do you think it is that easy?

As you’ve read AND enjoyed this, read this next article that uses pictures to properly document the daily struggles of an unemployed Nigerian.

16 Pictures That Are Too Real For People Who Are Unemployed In Nigeria